Song of the day:
Marilyn Manson- The Nobodies (why) Because I am a fucking NOBODY.
I was going too write this entry later on, however I cant see much good happening, Im in a fucking foul mood I hate everything today.
Its been one of those days you know, you put your toothbrush on the sink, EVERYTHING falls off, textures annoy me and its sunny I HATE THE SUN.
This is a real hateful entry your thinking? Yeah it is, but hey we all have days like this right?
Il try too be more positive, one of my parcels arrived today,
My mindfulness package arrived (see photo)
Its full of welbeing workbooks, journal kind of things to try and get me too see things in a bit more of a positive way and divert myself from the self harm that are clawing there nasty little claws into my brain, and causing me too feel it ok ok im gunna stop i dont wana get into details and get myself kicked off on my first day but im sure u get what I mean if youve been in this position but im determined NOT to break my 5 months clean I CAN DO THIS right?
I should have another parcel coming tomorrow or tuesday full of Twilight books 😍 im a huge twilight fan dont hate!!
Thankfully the kids dad isnt working tomorrow so I have a day to do something so i dont want too let my mood get in the way il maybe take a walk down the seafront iv no money well i have about £80
And on Friday me and my daughter are going too my mums as its my daughters 5th birthday,
I think il take the day too myself as my mum and Step Dad are taking her out…
I dont feel like a mum, ofc I love my children more than life but there behaviour and attitude is breaking me down too nothing its relentless 24/7 tantrums. My daughter is being tested for autism so im aware she cannot help it but I have no support from doctors until she is diagnosed so im going it alone, and im sure if any of you have autistic children you can relate too how hard it is right she is SO LOVING but at the same time so nasty and hateful and aggressive.
Well im going too leave it here for today, wow writing this has actually calmed me down a bit! Im going too order an indian and watch a movie.
Until tomorrow! Thats day 1/365 , 364 remaining.