Well i was supposed too be heading too my mums in London right now for my daughters 5th bday,
But low and behold the poor thing woke up with chicken pox so we aint going anywhere.
Also had a letter back regarding her autism refferal and apparently they feel her problems are primarily school based so have requested a school assistant…thats it, no support for me, doesnt matter that the behaviour at home is going from bad too worse and putting strain on everyone in the house inc my daughter.
Needless too say I broke down, I had a panic attack, that refferal was my lifeline i thought I would finally get some help and support but im back too square one.
And the fact we couldnt go away today due too her illness was just the final nail in the coffin we are both gutted she was so looking foward too it.
After my meltdown i composed myself, collected her medication and messed around with make up too distract myself.
Which worked, but also put me in the mood too go out, get messy drunk, then i remembered I have no friends too go out with total FAIL i have considered going out alone but because I come across as so rude and un-approachable id probably end up getting a kicking.
Which wouldnt bother me, i could do with dishing out a few digs but i fear if i lost control it would be very dangerous.
So here i sit, about too take a headache tablet, try and find a movie too watch and order chippy.
Heres a few photos from yday that wouldnt upload
I feel so restless I really want too do something I went too book Marilyn Manson tickets as they went on sale today but THEY SOLD OUT ALREADY 😭.
after earliers breakdown I feel quite comical, yet still emotionally unstable, i feel i could break any minute with the most delicate wind, wrong word, wrong look.
Im an emotional wreck its safe too say.
But my makeup looks good af!!!
Maybe il watch crystal fairy and the magic cactus 🤔🤔
Heartbeats fast, colours and promises, how too be brave, how can I love when im afraid too fall, but watching you stand alone, all of my doubts, suddenly goes away some how. One step closer, I have died everyday waiting for you, darling dont be afraid i have loved you for 1000 years, il love you for 1000 more.