Death is no longer something i fear.
I fear the apprehension, IE; knowing you are going to die
But the event itself does not scare me.
We live in a truly beautiful world and there is so much i want to see, do & explore, but I just dont see any hope in the future.
My plan is in motion yet I still feel nothing, no fear, no guilt, no anger just numbness.
I called lifeline last night who managed to distract me from self harming
And I will try one more time, if I get refered to a&e I will see what happens, If I get failed once more im going to do it.
Leaving my children breaks my heart but they deserve a stable family, not someone who is so depressed they can barely take care of themselves.
So it looks like this may not be a 365 day blog challenge afterall I guess it depends on the outcome of the services.
SIDE NOTE i do not plan on doing anything tonight for now I am safe.