So I have Bipolar and I experience highs and lows but depression is different in every person you cant just categorize it, here is what depression is for me;
- Emotional numbness- I feel no sadness, no excitement, no love, nothing i literally feel nothing
- Emotional detatchment from people im supposed to love and care about I dont care what happens to them
- Self harm- iv not self harmed in 4 months but the urges are getting stronger & I dont know how much I can hold out
- Suicidal fixation- this is new to me, I have my suicide plan, every detail just not a date
- Inability to do anything this isnt laziness my body does not cooperate with my mind
- Substance abuse tablets, alcohol anything just to feel something
- Irritability iv no energy for anger or rage but i get pissed off at the slightest thing
- Isolation i hate people, i trust no1, everyone is out to get me and I wont let them which is why iv no friends.
So there it is… thats my depression.
I miss my psychosis in a way, the spiritual connection I had with Satan, October who was always with me. I know this wasnt real but it was to me.
I am not good enough for this world, i dont fit anywhere